Thursday, February 16, 2012


Recently a Great Grey Owl made a very long journey from up north to my neck of the woods in Southern Ontario. Leaving me to wonder why had this majestic creature blessed us with its presence? It certainly had cast a deeply enchanting magical spell on everyone including myself…

The first time I stopped to catch a glimpse of this bird, I was swept away with the excitement and energy as the power of this creature was intoxicating. I thanked it from the deep and still silence of my soul for making that long journey here. In my root chakra I could feel the struggle for survival that this bird had endured. I then started watching the people squealing with delight as it swooped and showed off flying from tree to tree. “Oh My God! I’ve been waiting all my life to see this!” one woman shrieked. I could see this complete stranger’s soul in that moment so free flying with the owl as her feet danced on the ground below her. It literally took my breath away as I stood in this very magical world in awe and wonder of this bird’s fearlessness.

As I connected with the owl she spoke to the darkness in me, as she represents death, surrendering and letting go of the old and allowing room for the new. I could feel with each flap of her wings how she brings forth wisdom out of intuition the power of her energy spoke so clearly to me and in that moment I understood with all levels of my being how she sees in the dark. As I looked around at all the people in the crowd I wondered can they hear her message of death and resurrection. Can they hear the sacredness of what her energy is emanating? Do they realize that this just may be what has attracted them to her in the first place?

She swooped again and in the silence of my heart she whispered “Follow me!” With my inner vision I could see my soul smile at her and I said “Yes! Yes! I will follow you Gaia and I will learn your ways and I will stay in tune to this beautiful planet and all of nature.” She stopped flying and landed in front of me and with her piercing vision she looked right into and through the eyes of my soul and said “My name is not Gaia, my name is Maya.” I watched my soul shape shift into my inner child and in that moment my physical body felt an eerie familiar shudder. I was scared to death and I felt so cold standing there as my bones were shivering, echoing, releasing a very deep story that I couldn’t hear beyond the pain of my loneliness…

With my inner vision I watched my inner child look into Maya’s eyes and say “Maya! As in illusion? You know Maya that whole 2012 thing is filled with so much sacred mystery and I don’t really understand it, all I know is it is causing so much fear in this world. Maybe I shouldn’t follow you, as beautiful and powerful as you are, I honestly feel confused and very distrustful of you in this moment.”

As I tuned deeper into myself I could feel my solar plexus sinking into my root chakra…and it was ego level curiosity holding my mind together in that time and space reality. What is going on here echoed in my very sober thoughts…All these powerful energies were within me above me below me and beside me creating such deep tension within that was surfacing as an extremely strong temptation to stray from my path, to throw caution to the wind and ignore my inner child. I allowed the chaos to do its job as my own Soul and body were clearly communicating to me that once again I had entered into the blackening phase in Alchemy, this is the first stage of the Great Work. As I realized that the wisdom of my own Soul emanated my own familiar waves of peace that enveloped me and quieted my mind.

As I gained my spiritual wits back I said “NO!” I know better then to stray from my path when I am in fear. For this is the only path I can navigate now with all its gods and demons and dark and enchanting forests, I know very well the torrential storms that stir up cesspools of poisonous waters that miraculously turn into my baptismal waters, and not to mention the bottomless pits and caves of despair, governed by trolls and dragons, angels and fairies. This path is the one that has cut and moulded and continues to shape my own Soul. My own path the same one that has comforted and fed me from the very essence of that which I am and have been for all of eternity, as my Soul has grown and realized myself to be the Spiritual Being that I am in this present moment right here, right now!

I continued to stand in the stillness and silence of my heart and watched my inner child speak to Maya with such honesty and sweet innocence. “I’m sorry Maya but my path is under my physical feet. I don’t know how to fly and I think it is best if I just admire your majestic presence from down here.” She then swooped down closer to me turned her head and once again looked deeply into and through the eyes of my Soul. I felt her poignant and powerful blessings of protection, wisdom, strength and courage. I thanked her and could physically feel gratitude pouring out of all levels of my Being like a divine hug warming my shivering bones as I fully accepted Maya’s embrace.

The reverberations of that experience stirred the very deep waters of my unconscious. I went back to visit her almost every day as we were keeping a close eye on each other. She taught me so much about my gift of mysticism, sacred mysteries and the spiritual power and destructive potential that is contained within the power of ancient prophecies. I’m now inspired to share the wisdom and insights I have gained from remaining true to myself. With so many powerful and “new” energies here supporting us in expanding our consciousness it’s an easy time for the human Soul to get lost. Had I not ventured down the Spiritual Personality path and remained committed to the hard work that is involved in integrating and balancing the human and divine, my recent spiritual awakening could have easily crystallized into spiritual paralysis. I could have gotten stuck and became to afraid to grow any further…Fortunately I have learned to fly and this little Caeder has her wings, and the view of the world from up here is absolutely breathtaking!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Building The Bridge

Nothing in life is guaranteed and nothing is stagnant we are all deeply connected and in the flow and movement of creation. In order to feel the exhilaration and joy as our life unfolds with passion and purpose beyond our wildest dreams we must learn to be perfectly still. Until recently I thought I had a very deep understanding of what that stillness meant. Conceptually I believe I did but there was so much distance between my knowing and feeling and I’ve realized that this is where I need to focus my intentions for living a peaceful life. This is the bridge that I must build and love into existence by working ceaselessly. There is no getting out of this and honestly there is nothing that brings me greater joy and peace to be involved with this beautiful work that my Soul signed up for…

I find it fascinating that a year ago I met up with an aspect within my Spiritual Personality called the Lyremer. The Lyremer is the Architect in the Spiritual Personality typing system and I wrote "The Lyremer within has graced my life offering me the gift of shelter when the winds of change have blown so fiercely. Fortunately the Lyremers are gifted in their ability to support us in building an inner temple that can remind us of our eternal connection to divine wisdom and our spiritual nature. I believe we all have within us a deep inner sacred space that can become our refuge in life’s moments of messiness and confusion. I am moved now deeply from the soul level to express the essence of who I am out into the world. In doing so I break the patterns of chaos and confusion with a silent and tender strength that comes from being vulnerable. One little seed of wisdom that I cherish is the blessing I have found in all of life’s negative experiences. It is the contrast in life that creates a deep desire and longing for peace.

The Lyremer reminds us that when we focus our awareness on what we want and gain clarity and gratitude for all that we have, we will begin to align with the Universe in manifesting our desires. Our desires beyond those of our false self or ego is what speaks to us in terms of the unfoldment of our gifts and talents; it is our desire that connects with the call from Source to bring ourselves to the Light and shine. This is the space the Lyremer guides us to design or co-create our life from. It our heart’s sacred space where passion dwells, and once we discover our passion we are given an invitation to walk into a deeper dimension of reality.

I feel comforted knowing that the architect will show up in our lives to teach us how and where to build a strong foundation for our true selves to settle. I am grateful that the Lyremers have the ability to see the patterns that play out in vibrant colours that sparkle brilliantly in Source’s Light. They are very special people who can clearly see the radiant Truth shining beneath the surface within each soul. Most of us miss out on glimpsing this in others as we are conditioned to see the shadow that outlines and defines a person rather than the light of the True Self. The Lyremer within brings wisdom, clarity and focus into our life as they carefully design the blueprints and lay out the tools that we will need in order to construct a more soulfully connected and meaningful world."

I've been very actively working with the Lyremer within to learn how to read those blueprints that are constantly being updated. I've been mastering the tools needed to construct a bridge between my head and my heart to live my life more soulfully connected and experience a deeply joyful and meaningful world! The tools of my trade are colours and vibrations and this is what makes me heart and soul sing and dance to my very own expressive beat.

Intuitive Energy Artwork and Spiritual Personality are leading edge resources that are extremely valuable during this rapidly expanding shift in consciousness. A few weeks ago I couldn't understand why I felt so disoriented, anxiety ridden, and very spacey, but intuitively I felt that I had somehow started to resonate within the vibe of the illusory fear based world. I "woke up into a nightmare" a very purposeful and powerful nightmare that has been going on in the figment of man's imagination for a very very long time and as purposeful and powerful as those experiences were...I know now what it means to have Soul level courage and conviction in my heart in order to say that I no longer choose to "fit in" and conform to the fear based misconceptions of the collective consciousness of humanity.

I'm still re-grouping from the nightmare but I can feel myself getting Soul level stronger every day and beginning to dip my toes into the Living Waters of gratitude as I feel I'm once again coming into alignment with Source's vision for my life. I'm now so excited about building this beautiful bridge...I honestly don't know where this bridge will lead to but I have a feeling it will be a very delightful surprise for all of us!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Gift of Fear

I am no stranger to Fear. In all its flashy colours and subtle hues, its shadows and ugliness that my fear based imagination can intensify to the point of convincing me that this is the truth of my reality. If I don’t take time daily to connect to my Soul and Source I can become quickly paralysed in my fears, and this paralysis seeps out into the manifestional plane from deep within my psyche at night. For twenty years I have had a recurring sleep condition called Sleep Paralysis, it’s a mysterious condition that seems to be gaining a bit of recognition in the medical field. I honestly don’t want to be cured of this condition, as I see the connection between my episodes and the lessons that my Soul is bringing to my attention at certain times in my life.
I view fear’s expression in my life as natural as all parts of my human form. I am slowly learning to accept this powerful energy that translates into emotions in me and I can now use it to navigate my way in this human journey. Had I never experienced the nightmare of sheer terror that sleep paralysis can sometimes evoke in me, I would not be able to discern to the degree that I can what is real and what is an illusion that is what is love and what is fear. I also wouldn’t be able to understand how my fears negatively impact myself and others, and most importantly I would not be able to maintain my rational mind and peace in the midst of intense fears in my waking life. This is a gift that I have but I believe that it is also a skill that can be developed and learned.
It’s one thing to have a head full of psycho/spiritual concepts and theories; I’m quite proficient at talking the new thought talk. It’s quite another thing to stay connected to my heart and apply my knowledge and act on the wisdom of my heart in the face of extreme fear. Fear is so rampant and we are all at times desensitized victims to its effects. It makes me sad when I see people in my life that have the need to declare that they are spiritually awake or “conscious” in one breath and the next they express their annoyance almost to the point of hate with the “sleepwalkers” of the world who are not on the same spiritual page with them. I have learned quite painfully this seems to be a transitional phase on the spiritual journey and that the shadow is extremely dark and active, in these deeply “spiritual” people. I learned this through catching myself of my own harsh judgments of people in my life that I judged as not being in tune to their own soul’s or spirituality. This was just a very clever little ploy of my ego playing its game of keeping me in separation…
The gift of fear is its continual presence in our life and this offers us an opportunity to deepen our compassion and understanding with ourselves and others. We cannot connect with each other on the soul level if we are in denial of our own fears. We can however become aware of our fears and shine our light with courage and faith in order to transmute the negative energy and transcend our challenges in our outer reality…

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Caeder

Today I looked into the eyes of God and was swept away in a moment of eternal bliss. Vulnerable and exposed to the very core of my naked soul, I danced. With each step I could feel the rhythmic beating of the ancient drum emanating its song of hope into an uncertain world. I smiled as I watched the children of the earth being comforted to the unconditionally loving heart that beats between mother earth and father sky. I am not worthy to witness such beauty echoed from my past blowing through my reverie and gently placing the energy of awe and wonder into my bones. My thoughts and feelings certainly are powerful and in that moment they commanded the veil to fall, closing my inner vision. I’ve learned to peacefully accept that my return to the “real” world results from my ego’s often illusory need to protect me. Always worrying that ego of mine and each time I surrender into the centre of my being to experience my visionary moments of bliss, I am still vaguely aware that off in the peripheral boundaries of my psyche lay my fears. These are not just my fears though but all of humanity’s and it’s no wonder that my ego feels an even greater need to rise up like an ancient warrior and transform the cosmic veil of separation into a heavy manhole cover. Lord knows I need to be protected from my own Soul as l could get lost in ecstasy’s rapture and swept away into a perpetual state of bliss and beauty on cosmic waves of Oneness. Earth forbid that I end up getting carried away and doing something completely crazy like creating heaven on earth! By the way I am a Caeder and that is pronounced Kay-der with the emphasis on the first syllable. I have the gift of vision, I am a mystic and I am aware of both the physical and spiritual world, they are not separate worlds they are one in the same but a lot of people have trouble seeing that because they have forgotten who they truly are. The Caeder within reminds us that we all have the capacity for visionary experiences; as we all are in communication to Source at all times. As we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves as spiritual beings it is that very awareness that nurtures the light that illuminates and opens up our innate channels of communication with Source. The Caeder within teaches us that spiritual and mystical experiences are not bestowed upon a few blessed and chosen human beings. It is the entanglement of our thoughts and feelings that form a core belief system that we hold deep in the sacred space of our heart and create our life with. It is from this core belief system that we align with Source and can begin to see through the eyes of our soul into physical and non-physical realities. At one point in my life I walked away from all things religious and spiritual, as I was seeing the dark and evil side of humanity. At the time I didn’t have the life skills or my spiritual wits about me to remain steadfast in my own deep knowing of God/Source’s unconditional love. I was often confused as the God/Source I knew was completely different than the “expert’s” opinion. I was creating in my life from a place of fear and experiencing a lot of paranormal activity. The Caeder within has the ability to see beyond the ordinary with its piercing vision and has taught me that if things seem paranormal and scare me they are not of Love, there is no fear in Love. Although it was the most painful time of my entire life, walking away from all things religious and spiritual by refusing to believe in any dogma, I have no doubt actually served my psyche well. The Caeder within clearly asks us to look deeply at what we have built our core belief system from, have you based your personal philosophy on fear or love? I’ve been in such deep fear of accepting my mystical gifts that are a natural part of who I am that I dragged the Caeder within to therapy in an attempt to analyze it away; I had no luck with that. I also tried to stuff it into a nice neat little compartment in a file in my brain and maintain complete control of it, that didn’t work either. I have gagged its mouth and bound its hands in attempt to silence its powerful creativity and desire to come through with it’s bold truth in my work and relationships; yeah try holding back Niagara Falls…I have violently and brutally abused the Caeder within myself. For years everyday I use to feed this freakish part of me that didn’t fit in to the real world poisonous substances in the form of alcohol, nicotine and embarrassing high levels of caffeine, in an attempt to numb my emotions and blur my inner vision, that didn’t work that well either. My ego was so cleaver and strong that it had me convinced that I would cross the threshold into insanity if I continued to see the world through the sacred eyes of my very own soul, so I told very few people about what I truly felt and saw. I also tried very hard to stay in my head for many years and analyzed everything rather then feeling. The Caeder within has been a large part of the unconditionally loving force in my life, much like a spiritual guide and companion, my closest soul confidant, loving me so deeply and patiently throughout all of eternity, nurturing me to this point in my spiritual evolution that I can now see both my darkness and my light. The darkness is an integral part of who we are while we are here on earth. It lets us know that we are navigating away from the centre of our own Soul’s Truth that is always in alignment with God/Source. The darkness in life shows us quite bluntly that we are allowing ourselves to be influenced and pulled in directions that can lead us spiralling into needless confusion and fear. This fear in and of itself that we all have of our darkness I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing as when we honour that it leads to discernment and the ability to form healthy boundaries around our sacred self that we sometimes need just for the simple fact that we are human and we can be deeply hurt. The Caeder within helps us to see the manipulative shadow entity within our minds, this is the dark force that we all reckon with everyday. I’m grateful that I have developed the piercing vision of the Caeder to see and hear that what lies buried in the depths of the dark and ugly is a hallowed cry longing to be acknowledged, deeply desiring to be seen and heard in order to be healed. I don’t heal though…The Caeder within has shown me that my role is to hold the vision and intention in my heart and that opens the space for Source’s healing energy to flow through. This bittersweet contrast we experience in our life is where the beauty is hidden and there is something incredibly rejuvenating and deeply exhilarating and “real” when we can experience this ecstatic beauty exploding out from the depths of our heart that contains our greatest joy and our deepest wounds. Bringing freedom and true power into our lives possibly for the first time in a very, very long time, the Caeder within allows us to see that we are all constantly basking in Sources grace that continually returns us to a perfect state of balance and wholeness. We are endlessly being washed in the eternal waters of sacred love that courses over and through the flesh and blood, soul and spirit, we often do not allow ourselves to receive this level of love though. The Caeder within shows us it is always our choice, we always have the choice to choose love or fear…

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Obaculer

The Obaculer is the oracle and that is pronounced, oh-back-you-ler, with the emphasis on the second syllable. These are people that offer the visionary voice for the people of the planet, the ones who can see the deep truth contained in other’s hearts, and in speaking it, helps it to become manifest. If you have been following the blog you may have noticed that each week I have been wrestling to accept the gifts that each type offers. Although this process has been extremely rewarding it hasn’t been an easy task at times for I have been required to look deeply into my own heart. I feel this is one of the more difficult things we are asked to do in our lives, to be boldly and completely honest with ourselves. The Obaculer within encourages us to contemplate deeply and feel our way to our own understanding of what one truly believes in regards to being a spiritual being in human form. Your personal belief system is what forms your sacred script that you are acting out of and creating in your life with at all times. Sometimes the Obaculer comes to us in flashes of spiritual insight that lights up our whole being, other times things aren’t so obvious. The Obaculer within reminds us to have faith, hope and trust that we can always be in touch with the essence of who we truly are and in communication with Source. We often feel this truth in very subtle forms of twinges and hunches. Those faint feelings are the gentle nudging of the Obaculer within using the wisdom of our bodies to gain our attention, inviting us to explore something that needs to be filtered through the understanding of both our heart and head. Anytime you are uncertain the Obaculer within will sit with you in your silence and support you in hearing your own divine guidance. The question is will you trust and act on what you are hearing? The Obaculer within patiently teaches us that if we can sit within the stillness and sacred darkness of our heart, we will feel the great winds of change. Turning our fears into courage and fanning the flames of our passion. Sparking the remembrance of our divinity and forming a great light that forever guides us on our journey. The Obaculer within also lovingly teaches us how to calm our internal waters of transformation, as to not become overwhelmed by our inner chaos and life’s illusions. In staying in our own clarity and peace we can tend to the seeds of light and love that are contained within the heart of humanity. The Obaculer within walks with us into the deep core issues as we painstakingly have to learn what love is not in order to truly gain a glimpse of what unconditional love is. This is a deeply personal experience that causes us to remember who we are on the spiritual level. In our remembering we celebrate by leaping with joy from the stepping stones of faith onto a strong and solid foundation of blissful knowing. A deep knowing that can never be shaken, rocked, stolen or judged away. The Obaculer within reveals to us that once we find this space of blissful knowing it’s the perfect spot for us to rest for a bit and become rooted in our own deeply intimate spirituality and celebrate the gifts of our unique personality.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011



Maggie has written all of the blog entries for the various types so far, but she asked me to write the one on Salumer the healer. Salumer is pronounced sah-luh-mer, with the emphasis on the first syllable.

When I tune into the Salumer inside, I feel instantly surprised. I’m a physician, so I expected the healer aspect to resonate with all of my hopes and dreams (and disappointments and frustrations) with that profession, but it doesn’t. It is playful, and light, and the healing aspect is fluid and instantaneous, dancing around and through my body, realigning and rewiring with ease and speed. My expectations of the healer, all of my doctor stuff, both the positive and negative, turn out to be things that need to be lifted … well, most of them need to be trashed! I’ve been seeing my job as a doctor as ponderous, as very important heavy lifting, work that is slow and careful, often boring and worrisome.

Suddenly, it is obvious that I have borne this disparity all along, the difference between the light speed of the inner healer, and the ideas that I have of healing as hard work that requires worry. I’ve often come to moments when I’ve wanted to reject the whole healer aspect, to be done with that, to disavow it, because in my view (which now I see as an illusion), the work has been so dense, so heavy.

I’m not saying that I haven’t had moments of lightness, and that it all has been work and no fun. I’ve had many moments when I touched the lightness I feel right now in the Salumer within, but it feels that I’ve had to work hard to make them possible, to bend space and time enough to allow the world of insurance companies, and scheduled time slots, and detailed diagnoses to make space for what actually feels good.

Suddenly, I’m back in medical school, in the main building that housed the classrooms. I knew back then that the building reminded me of a prison. I can feel the me back then, not having the words, but struggling with the very conflict that I feel right now, having some intuitive and bodily knowing of the lightness of healing amidst the tremendous labor of getting through medical school. I had such anxiety, and while it was directly about making the grades and learning what I needed to know, I always had a deeply aching feeling that something terribly important was missing … and I haven’t seen that missing stuff so clearly as today as I feel the Salumer within.

The Salumer within wants to remind us that forces can align in healing, that it isn’t crazy to find magic within healing, and that the role of insight, humor and transcendence aren’t peripheral, they are central. As for me, I’m in bliss, enjoying the lightness of healing that I’ve always known but haven’t fully allowed. 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Devaier

The ninth type in the SP system is the Devaier, the artist and that is pronounced dih-vai-er, with the emphasis on the second syllable. Artists don't decorate the world, they create it! The Devaier brings forth the new, creating what has never been imagined. I have been declaring to the world for the past few years that I am an Intuitive Energy Artist and I teach workshops and classes on the process of creativity. So many people believe that artists are gifted or talented and that is a very oppressive myth that stifles a lot of people’s creativity. Betty Edwards discusses this at length in her book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I am no more so gifted in my creative potential than let’s say an accountant sitting at his desk busying his brain with numbers. The Devaier within has shown me that we are all doing the same thing whether we are aware of it or not in terms of creating our life. As for being an artist I believe the only differences between the accountant and me are a desire and relatively new found courage on my part to actually put images onto paper.
On a spiritual level we all have a desire to express the essence of that in which we are, in all our various forms, shapes, patterns, and colours. The Devaier within reminds us that we are actively creating our life with each breath we take; each thought we think each emotion we feel, each action we carry out. Every single person on the planet is a creative being. However we often are paralyzed in the trauma and drama of life feeling victimized from living in a world that on most days can just seem to be plain mean. We become desensitized in our hearts and unconscious in our minds to the level of fear that we are constantly submersed in. I’m grateful that the Devaiers have the ability to bring worldly truth to light every day as they see truth and beauty in the situations of life that we are often too wounded by to clearly see.
The Devaier within has been shining the light in my own life recently and has shown me that what seemed like a tragic fight between myself and my teenage daughter was actually an initiation dance between our souls. Offering us both an opportunity to release the ingrained patterns of pain from the past, and step fully into the present moment to make a conscious decision to love rather than to react out of fear. The Devaier within shows all of us that the everyday situations in our life are actually the raw material or medium that our soul uses to create with. As an artist I have black on my palette and it adds depth and a whole layer of dimension to my work, I suspect that God/Source uses the negative experiences in our life in that way too.
The Devaier within consistently brings me the message that in order to create my self and my life as I go, I have to be free from my past conditioning, and not be living in fear about the future. I have to step fearlessly into the void, surrender into not knowing and jump into the space of nothingness where all things are created. Fortunately for me I have the pleasure now of supporting others in venturing into the great unknown abyss where the Devaier within dwells. I have learned to trust fully that the Devaier within patiently waits for us and gently takes our hand in order to ground us in the courage we need to express freely the flow of creativity that is eternally washing over us.
One brief encounter with the Devaier within can change your life if you so choose that. The Devaier within opens up the world of imagination and enchantment the whimsical joy filled place that most of us abandoned in our early childhood. As we explore this world now through the artist’s simple brush, we can see that we have been weaving beautiful magic all along. It’s just so much more for fun to create now with the light on, and to have a deeper awareness of what we are actually doing…