Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Caeder


Today I looked into the eyes of God and was swept away in a moment of eternal bliss. Vulnerable and exposed to the very core of my naked soul, I danced. With each step I could feel the rhythmic beating of the ancient drum emanating its song of hope into an uncertain world. I smiled as I watched the children of the earth being comforted to the unconditionally loving heart that beats between mother earth and father sky. I am not worthy to witness such beauty echoed from my past blowing through my reverie and gently placing the energy of awe and wonder into my bones. My thoughts and feelings certainly are powerful and in that moment they commanded the veil to fall, closing my inner vision. I’ve learned to peacefully accept that my return to the “real” world results from my ego’s often illusory need to protect me. Always worrying that ego of mine and each time I surrender into the centre of my being to experience my visionary moments of bliss, I am still vaguely aware that off in the peripheral boundaries of my psyche lay my fears. These are not just my fears though but all of humanity’s and it’s no wonder that my ego feels an even greater need to rise up like an ancient warrior and transform the cosmic veil of separation into a heavy manhole cover. Lord knows I need to be protected from my own Soul as l could get lost in ecstasy’s rapture and swept away into a perpetual state of bliss and beauty on cosmic waves of Oneness. Earth forbid that I end up getting carried away and doing something completely crazy like creating heaven on earth! By the way I am a Caeder and that is pronounced Kay-der with the emphasis on the first syllable. I have the gift of vision, I am a mystic and I am aware of both the physical and spiritual world, they are not separate worlds they are one in the same but a lot of people have trouble seeing that because they have forgotten who they truly are. The Caeder within reminds us that we all have the capacity for visionary experiences; as we all are in communication to Source at all times. As we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves as spiritual beings it is that very awareness that nurtures the light that illuminates and opens up our innate channels of communication with Source. The Caeder within teaches us that spiritual and mystical experiences are not bestowed upon a few blessed and chosen human beings. It is the entanglement of our thoughts and feelings that form a core belief system that we hold deep in the sacred space of our heart and create our life with. It is from this core belief system that we align with Source and can begin to see through the eyes of our soul into physical and non-physical realities. At one point in my life I walked away from all things religious and spiritual, as I was seeing the dark and evil side of humanity. At the time I didn’t have the life skills or my spiritual wits about me to remain steadfast in my own deep knowing of God/Source’s unconditional love. I was often confused as the God/Source I knew was completely different than the “expert’s” opinion. I was creating in my life from a place of fear and experiencing a lot of paranormal activity. The Caeder within has the ability to see beyond the ordinary with its piercing vision and has taught me that if things seem paranormal and scare me they are not of Love, there is no fear in Love. Although it was the most painful time of my entire life, walking away from all things religious and spiritual by refusing to believe in any dogma, I have no doubt actually served my psyche well. The Caeder within clearly asks us to look deeply at what we have built our core belief system from, have you based your personal philosophy on fear or love? I’ve been in such deep fear of accepting my mystical gifts that are a natural part of who I am that I dragged the Caeder within to therapy in an attempt to analyze it away; I had no luck with that. I also tried to stuff it into a nice neat little compartment in a file in my brain and maintain complete control of it, that didn’t work either. I have gagged its mouth and bound its hands in attempt to silence its powerful creativity and desire to come through with it’s bold truth in my work and relationships; yeah try holding back Niagara Falls…I have violently and brutally abused the Caeder within myself. For years everyday I use to feed this freakish part of me that didn’t fit in to the real world poisonous substances in the form of alcohol, nicotine and embarrassing high levels of caffeine, in an attempt to numb my emotions and blur my inner vision, that didn’t work that well either. My ego was so cleaver and strong that it had me convinced that I would cross the threshold into insanity if I continued to see the world through the sacred eyes of my very own soul, so I told very few people about what I truly felt and saw. I also tried very hard to stay in my head for many years and analyzed everything rather then feeling. The Caeder within has been a large part of the unconditionally loving force in my life, much like a spiritual guide and companion, my closest soul confidant, loving me so deeply and patiently throughout all of eternity, nurturing me to this point in my spiritual evolution that I can now see both my darkness and my light. The darkness is an integral part of who we are while we are here on earth. It lets us know that we are navigating away from the centre of our own Soul’s Truth that is always in alignment with God/Source. The darkness in life shows us quite bluntly that we are allowing ourselves to be influenced and pulled in directions that can lead us spiralling into needless confusion and fear. This fear in and of itself that we all have of our darkness I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing as when we honour that it leads to discernment and the ability to form healthy boundaries around our sacred self that we sometimes need just for the simple fact that we are human and we can be deeply hurt. The Caeder within helps us to see the manipulative shadow entity within our minds, this is the dark force that we all reckon with everyday. I’m grateful that I have developed the piercing vision of the Caeder to see and hear that what lies buried in the depths of the dark and ugly is a hallowed cry longing to be acknowledged, deeply desiring to be seen and heard in order to be healed. I don’t heal though…The Caeder within has shown me that my role is to hold the vision and intention in my heart and that opens the space for Source’s healing energy to flow through. This bittersweet contrast we experience in our life is where the beauty is hidden and there is something incredibly rejuvenating and deeply exhilarating and “real” when we can experience this ecstatic beauty exploding out from the depths of our heart that contains our greatest joy and our deepest wounds. Bringing freedom and true power into our lives possibly for the first time in a very, very long time, the Caeder within allows us to see that we are all constantly basking in Sources grace that continually returns us to a perfect state of balance and wholeness. We are endlessly being washed in the eternal waters of sacred love that courses over and through the flesh and blood, soul and spirit, we often do not allow ourselves to receive this level of love though. The Caeder within shows us it is always our choice, we always have the choice to choose love or fear…

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